ABOUT JUDGE KLUDGE…
You might think that being a judge would be a satisfying job. And for years, the Honorable Judge Kludge would’ve agreed with you. He took enormous delight in his gavel pounding ability every time he dispensed justice. Moreover, he was very talented at furling his eyebrows. During trials, he loved to remain silent and communicate his will only through eyebrow movement.
Outside the courtroom, he was known to love festivities. After all, he was the judge who’d launched the Monday recess ‘Croquet Fiesta’ as well as the Thursday recess ‘Bowling Potluck’. But at a party celebrating his ten-thousandth trial, he felt unfulfilled. That day, the piñata full of gum balls, ordinarily his favorite treat, seemed like nothing more than a hollow, paper maché donkey full of candy. For every criminal he put behind bars, there were ten more criminals to take the last one’s place. He began to have what adults call a ‘mid-life’ crisis. Some people said that it was a very positive sign to have a mid-life crisis at the age of eighty, because that meant he would live to be one hundred and sixty. But Judge Kludge dreamed of leaving his mark. He wanted to accomplish something which would be of inestimable value for humanity.
Thus, the Honorable Judge Kludge decided to step down from the bench and pen The Kittysaurus Series.
However, he would need complete isolation for such a noble pursuit, so he bought an old Chinese boat with rhomboid shaped sails called a ‘junk’ and is currently sailing across the globe. He generally eschews all forms of electronic devices, choosing to communicate with the mainland primarily by carrier pigeon.
Writing The Kittysaurus Series has not proved to be an easy task. The Honorable Judge Kludge suffers through periodic and terrible bouts of writer’s block. Upon completion of each book, he alerts us by carrier pigeon to meet him at a far flung corner of the globe, and thus pick up the fruit of his labor.
I last saw the honorable Judge Kludge sailing into a hurricane off the west coast of Suriname. He had just delivered this copy of Kittysaurus Rex to a nearby port for publication. We tried our best to persuade him that if he sailed into the maelstrom, it would surely mean his doom. However, he insisted that the only place he’d been able to finish a full paragraph for Kittysaurus Rex was smack dab in the eye of a hurricane. At that point, he vowed to sail from one hurricane to another until he finishes the second book in the series: Tri-pizza-tops. In his words, “All writers should be willing to risk their lives for their readers.”